Returning

Well, I've been slowly tapering off my anti-depressants. I've been taking one every other day, then in about a week or so I'll go every two days. The first day without was awful. I don't know if that was solely because I wasn't taking the pill, or if it was somewhat of a placebo effect (I'm angry because I didn't take a pill, not angry because I'm angry). I was snapping at the kids, getting frustrated over every little thing, and of course angry at Bill.

The next day was a little better, and the next day off was pretty good as well. Today has been on and off with the kids. I was making my son's Halloween costume, and he wasn't holding still, and I got really mad at him and threatened to throw it away and that he couldn't go trick-or-treating. It really wasn't fair of me to do that, because he's so young, and he just is a wiggly little guy anyway. But it bugged me, more than it should have. But I haven't cried yet, and I haven't started throwing things. (I throw things and slam doors when I'm angry. It's never anything breakable, or at anyone.)

Someone in the comments asked why I was going off if they were working well. My doctor assured me that this type was only meant for the short-term. And, to be honest, I don't want to be on anti-depressants. Not that they don't help people out, because obviously I've seen that they've helped me out. But I don't want to have a crutch, per se. My entire family has been on or is still on anti-depressants of some sort, and the minute they don't have their pill they flip out. (Placebo thing, I think.) I don't want that to be me. And so far, I think I'll be okay off soon enough. I don't have so much pride in that if I need the help again I'll not take it, but the simpler my life is, the more my body is controlling itself without outside help, the better for me.

I just remembered: I forgot to take my pill today. I take it as a good sign.