Frustration

I have been so angry at Bill this last week. And I don't even think he knows it. Well, I'm sure he's somewhat aware of it, but either he doesn't care to know or doesn't realize the extent of the anger and frustration.

I've mentioned before that Bill plays an online game. And honestly, I feel like it's replaced me in our relationship. He's played for about a year now, and he'll get more and more deep into the game, where he spends every waking minute at home on this game. I'll bottle my feelings, hope that he gets sick of it, and then I end up exploding at him because I'm so tired of being ignored. He apologizes, cuts back on his playing for a little bit. And then it creeps back up. And the cycle continues.

For a while we had a schedule; he would play certain days and then we'd do something as a couple or a family, or he'd do something different. But one day, on the day that he wasn't supposed to play, he said, "I don't care." And then kept playing. It was like a slap in the face. He might as well have said "I don't care about you." Because that's what it felt like. Again, an apology that night.

But actions speak louder than words.

He says he's sorry, but then goes right on playing, right on ignoring me and the kids.

The week before this last one he didn't play at all. It was probably the best week I've had in the last year. Granted, he was sick, so he didn't do much of anything, and I basically had to take care of him. But he wasn't playing his stupid game. Last Thursday he started playing again, and hasn't stopped. He told me today he wasn't going to play tonight. I don't believe him. Because last night he was only supposed to be on for an hour, and he was on for three.

Honestly, I can't live like this any more. I don't want it to be down to choose me or the game, but I'm just so frustrated. It's turning into me being angry with him about more than the game. I feel consumed by anger and frustration toward him, and that's no way for me, or a marriage, to function.

Oh yeah. He doesn't ignore me when he wants sex.

His actions remind me of his mother. She's the epitome of the phrase "the road to hell is paved with good intentions". She'll say she wants to come to visit, and regrets not seeing her grandchildren as much, but does she come to visit? Nope. He's said before "I'm sorry I'm such a crappy husband." But then he doesn't do anything about it. Instead he gets mopey, acts all "I suck", and then...quits. One night he said, "You need a better husband." And I agreed with him in my head. Now, the last thing I want is a divorce. But our marriage as is? Not working whatsoever.

I went and talked to our clergyman about it, the day he said "I don't care". The clergyman offered some good advice, telling me that I need to act with love instead of anger. I need to entice him with fun things to do with me or the family. I tried it. On Monday there was a Christmas concert going on that I had heard of. I said "Let's go as a family". He said, "No. You can go and take the kids, but I'm not going."

I just keep wondering where we, or I, went wrong. And I don't know what to do. I know I should act with love, but so much of me wants to act in anger and attack him and fight to MAKE it my way. I keep wondering if we should see a marriage counselor, but we have no money for something like that. I don't want to give up on us, but I'm tired of pulling and pushing and trying for our marriage when he doesn't put forth any effort. I think he thinks that because he's the breadwinner, that that's all he has to contribute to our family. I feel like we're drifting more and more apart. He says, "The problem is, we have no interests in common, so how can you expect us to spend any time together?" And I say, "We need to find common interests." But then he pulls "the last thing I want to do after being gone all day from home is to leave home again".

Do any of you Constances or Constance readers have any advice for me? Please help.