Retracted

I spoke entirely too soon last post. That night I felt like I was going crazy. And this last week has been up and down, and just plain hard. But it could also be PMS kicking into gear at the same time.

Yesterday Bill promised he'd do the dishes. And of course he didn't. And instead of me blowing it off because he was tired from work, or whatever else, I took it very personally, that he should help me out once in a while, that I was super tired and already doing 20 other things. And then my head spins this whole martyr speech, about how I'm a slave in the house, how he doesn't love me or appreciate me, how he's only interested in me because I give him sex, and how I should stop having sex with him until he appreciates me for the other things I do for him and the kids, etc. etc. etc. This speech spins in my head about once a month for a few days. My classic PMS symptom. Will I ever verbalize the speech? Nope. Because then Bill will give me the look of "Oh, you're PMS-ing, aren't you, poor dear? Well, then, this doesn't really matter." Drives me crazy.

Thing is, PMS gives me the guts to actually speak out on the things that bug me all the time, that I normally let slide. I really wish I could be more blunt. Blunt people bother me to an extent, but in a way I admire them at the same time, because they say the things that I feel like I can't to others, because then I'd be just rude, and they'll hate me for life, but the blunt people? They can get away with it.

Oh, and I'm not voting today. Not because I don't think it's important, but because the thought of packing up my kids to go stand in line, and not knowing if I can register to vote the same day as voting, is overwhelming to me. That's a classic depression/weaning off the drugs feeling, I think.

I have a couple more weeks of weaning, and then I'll see how things are for a few weeks after that, and if I slip back into depression, then I'm going to get some help again, whether it's drugs or a therapist, or whatever may end up working. Pray for me, Constances!